Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Election Day

It’s election day. And i’m not voting. 

I don’t have any problems with voting, and i would vote if i had thought it through. But i didn’t want to register in Massachusetts, and i waited too long to request my North Carolina absentee ballot. Perhaps if i cared more i would have been more proactive, but i don’t really care. I don’t believe that the winner of this election will decide or even affect my happiness over the next four years, and i don’t believe he will have the power to really change the things that trouble me. 

In a way, i am truly grateful that i cannot with good conscious place that much trust and faith in one man. I am left with only one place to put my trust and faith.

Oswald Chambers writes:

“...if we love a human being and do not love God, we demand of him every perfection and every rectitude, and when we do not get it we become cruel and vindictivel we are demanding of a human being that which he or she cannot give. There is only one Being Who can satisfy the last aching abyss of the human heart, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ. Why our Lord is apparently so severe regarding every human relationship is because He knows that every relationship not based on loyalty to Himself will end in disaster. Our Lord trusted no man, yet He was never suspicious, never bitter. Our Lord’s confidence in God and in what His grace could do for any man, was so perfect that He despaired of no one. If our trust is placed in human beings, we shall end in despairing of everyone.”

Four years ago, i believed many people placed President Obama on a pedestal on the same level as, if not above, God. And when he only delivered some of what he promised, their enthusiasm diminished. As a recent episode of 30 Rock pointed out, “We’re not doing that this year - no one’s that excited.”

What interests me about this phenomenon lately is how we can do the same thing in our personal lives. I have very recently had a friendship dissolve, a good friendship i thought. I put a lot of time and energy into my relationship with someone, trying to support him and be there for him when he had problems. Unfortunately, when i expected reciprocity, when i needed someone to return the support i had given him, he proved unable or unwilling to deliver - the burden of another’s problems proved too much to handle. I learned a valuable lesson in the risks of trusting people. 

I'm not saying you shouldn't vote this election, or that i never will, only that i don't feel compelled or convicted to do so right now. Oh, i still trust many politicians and i still have faith in our political system, just as i have trust and faith in many of my other good friends. I know there are people who will be there for me when i need it. But the only being that i know will always be there for me is God. 

This election and my recent falling out with a friend remind me of that, and comfort me. The people i see who place their trust in human beings have thusfar only ended in despairing of everyone, and i thank God i haven’t reached that point.

Sunday, August 26, 2012


It’s been almost a year since i posted here.

I’ve spent a year in Boston, a year in film school. I’ve watched (or re-watched) some more Jesus movies, including Jesus Christ Superstar, Godspell, King of Kings, and The Last Temptation of Christ. I’ve had crises of faith, and experiences of overwhelming conviction in my faith. I’ve made friendships. i’ve nearly lost a few friendships. I’ve made a few short films. i’ve bartended weekends.

And throughout all of it, i have simply had no motivation to write on this blog. i haven’t been able to form thoughts - arguments, questions, anything - with a coherence that merited a post.  

Of course, i’ve been busy with school and all, which has it’s own writing demands. But this is different. I’ve tried to limit my facebook posting, to avoid those obnoxious debates, and i haven’t especially missed the opportunities to flesh out my own opinions in a public sphere. Maybe i haven’t blogged because i accept my limitations - i simply might not have the capacity to speak with any authority on certain issues of faith or politics or film, and would prefer this not become a space for half-baked whining or pontificating. 

Whatever the reasons or circumstances, it’s been nearly a year and i’m finally motivated to at least address or acknowledge my absence. 

i might need to take another hiatus soon. We’ll see. But for now, i’m still here, i’m still thinking, and i’ll try to start writing again very soon. Maybe tomorrow. Here’s a link to a music video in the meantime.